Saturday, September 29, 2007

In Which I Have an Overdue Epiphany I realized that I was once again staying in bed even though the weather isn't bad. I started thinking about how often I blame my vertigo on the weather, on hormones, on insomnia. I mean, I blame my "bad days" on these external conditions. Today there are none. I slept very well. I have eaten well. The weather is gorgeous. And I can't blame it on hormones because I am not feeling hormonal. So when you have nothing else to blame on why you are still in bed, your head leaning back and feeling things rolling slowly beneath you, it becomes gradually obvious that there is nothing to blame. I am relapsing. Not dramatically like the day I was fine and then could barely walk to the bathroom in time to throw up. But I no longer have "good" days. My base line for good has shifted closer to where my bad days were and now every day feels bad. I don't want to change my base line. I don't want to redefine my good to be on par with my formerly bad days. I wanted my good days to become my bad days because my good days were getting better. Now my bad days are becoming my good days and a bad day is when I struggle to read and fight the nausea that comes with having vertigo. I thought I was getting better. I was mistaken.

4 comments:

  1. thanks satia-the vertigo has almost disappeared. i managed to nip it in the bud. my mum and i are both susceptible to vertigo. it comes on due to stress. i had to take tons of gravol to help with the nausea and dizziness which left me completely drowsy and even more incapacitated.

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  2. So far we have found no medication that helps with the vertigo. I live with it so constantly, however, that I no longer feel nauseous all of the time. That comes and goes. I almost wish it wouldn't. Maybe then I could lose some weight. :)

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  3. I understand that I'm treading on thin ice, here, but have you and your doctors explored the possibility of the vertigo being a psychosomatic effect?

    I'm not sure if I've asked this question before, but I know I've wanted to ask it.

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  4. I've actually suggested it but everyone seems to agree that where is the payoff? Most psychosomatic conditions have a payoff, some benefit to the individual, whether it is attention or something else. My life has been so compromiseed and I am hindered from doing so many of the things I love to do that three doctors, Rob, and my mother have all said that I need to stop over thinking and let the medical profession figure it out.

    Okay. But when the heck are they going to figure it out already?

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