Tuesday, October 23, 2007

In Which Five Clearly May Not Be Enough I am seriously considering creating yet another blog. Yes, five blogs is apparently not enough for the likes of me. Now I want a blog in which I track the vagaries of my body with a focus on my weight. I would record my daily eating habits, my daily exercise, and (*gasp*) my weight. Under the circumstances of its probably being the most boring example of blogging on the planet, I also may not bother announcing it or linking to it in any way. I mean, it will be tedious enough for me to write about why on earth would I want to share it with the world? With that said, recording and tracking my progress will at least give me a sense of accountability. If I see that I am using the same amount of weight for a certain type of exercise I can make a note to push it to a higher weight the next time. Or, if I hit the point of failure (pof) then I can remember that for next time. In other words, if I seriously want to lose weight then I need to start showing myself that I am taking this seriously. On a "lighter" note . . . I was watching season 4 of Six Feet Under and came across the following bit of dialogue between Nathaniel, who is dead, and his son, David.

Nathaniel Fisher: You hang on to your pain like it means something. Like it's worth something. Well, let me tell you - it's not worth shit. Let it go! Infinite possibilities, and all he can do is whine. David Fisher: Well, what am I supposed to do? Nathaniel Fisher: What do you think? You can do *anything*, you lucky bastard - you're alive! What's a little pain compared to that? David Fisher: It can't be that simple. Nathaniel Fisher: What if it is?

It becomes easy to think of how finite my possibilities have become because of the things that I cannot do. For instance, today is when I would have met with the writing critique group to go over four more pages of my poetry. However, we have four days of rain forecasted for this week and today is only day two. Factor in that I also had my acupuncture today and I suspect the best thing for me to do is be conservative with my energy. There is so much coming up this weekend for which I will need to be as strong as possible.

So I don't feel infinite possibilities and yet . . . and yet I'm alive. What's more, I haven't been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis or told that I have a tumor which is why I am now dizzy. I could be facing so much more, so much worse, than simply not knowing why I have vertigo. In many ways I do have infinite possibilities. I mean, my body is limited in what it can do and while I may not be able to go rock climbing or even hike through the woods I can still sit outside in my own back yard and consciously experience fresh air and the sound of the wind shuffling through the leaves. I am not in a coma. I am not brain dead. I am still very much alive. It can't be that simple? Isn't it always that simple?

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