Monday, October 22, 2007
In Which I Think I've Died and Gone to Hell Forget that I once again had insomnia for a moment. Let us focus on the fact that Rob's television, which has been happily at home in our living room, is dying. This, of course, means we need a new one. Let me now interject that I did not buy a television for myself until I was in my 40s and then I bought it used. And it came with a table stand. And a vcr and a remote. Enter our massive new television which Rob bought for $50. How big is it? Too big to go in the entertainment center where the old dying one now is. So the old dying one will be replaced by the aforementioned I've never bought a television before in my life tv. The dying one will be relocated to the room where my exercise bike is residing. Which means . . . the massive television is now in the bedroom. And we don't have a large bedroom. What we have is a bedroom that was previously a car port. Not even a garage. I don't mind the small bedroom. I do have a problem with having a massive television in there, however. But it doesn't end there. No . . . it would seem that the volume is quite appropriate for a large television that one would normally have in a large room. Because ours is not in a large room the volume is quite loud. Very loud. Too LOUD! And there is no remote. No way to really adjust the volume except manually and we can only get it to go down so far without a remote. Rob says that with a remote we can get it to go lower. But without the remote, how will I ever know? Of course, we will eventually figure out how to adjust our universal remote to work with our new television. Or will we? For you see, Rob cannot find the manual that came with the remote and he apparently can't find the manual online. Why not? Because the remote is nameless. Normally products have some brand making it easier to find the manual online. Without the brand name of the product you are pretty much shit out of luck. Which is pretty much what we are but did you really think that this nightmare ended there? Don't be silly. As luck would have it the power button on this monstrosity will only power UP the television. The only way to turn it off is to unplug it. No big deal, right? Wrong. Did you not understand that this television is very LARGE. Although technically not a Big Screen TV this is big enough to make reaching the cord difficult, at best. (When you have vertigo, it is damn near impossible.) So there you are . . . hopefully having a heavenly time. Me? I'm in hell, I tell you, wondering how long it will be before I find a way to throw this thing out the window. Yes, I realize that with my vertigo the odds that I will be able to do this are slim to none. But then, I didn't go to sleep last night thinking I'd wake up in hell so you never know . . .