Tuesday, November 06, 2007

In Which There Are No Answers I was chatting with someone yesterday about my vertigo. I delineated the things which are no longer possible for me, how my life has been changed, even compromised. I also talked about the spiritual lessons and the truths about myself I've had to face as a result of this still undiagnosed condition. Today I saw the neurologist and I think I had hoped he would perform a miracle. Not a walk on water, turn water into wine, type. After all, that's been done and who cares if he can walk on water. I'd like to walk a straight line on solid ground for a few days again. No. What I had hoped is that he would skim through the pages and pages of notes and have an epiphany.
Satia, I am so glad you came into my office today because I just read this article in a journal and I want you to do something for me. Bend over and put your head between your knees. Now, start singing Vertigo by U2. Do this three times a day for five minutes. You will be, guaranteed, cured in two days. I promise.
Needless to say that didn't happen. What he did say, however, is that he would see what he could do about getting me into the Emory research facility I've been trying to get my former neurologist to get me into since April. He also suggested that the Mayo Clinic may have something. So there is hope? Not much but yes. I have to first see it to believe it and right now I am looking at my reality. I have been suffering from vertigo for eleven months and six days. It is hard to feel hopeful that something that has lasted nearly a year with absolutely no diagnosis will go away as quickly and easily as it came. But I am still seeking answers. I have a list of herbs from my mother's bestest friend; I have a recommendation from a friend of mine whose fiance has a friend who has vertigo who tried these pills; I have a list of foods to remove from my diet. And I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow. I don't surrender easily. I find it hard to give up. There is hope. It is small, dim, hard to discern. And when you have no answers, hope not the last thing you have. The Bible says, and I have learned, that hope, faith and charity are the three greatest things . . . and the greatest of these is charity--love--compassion. Hope falls away. Faith falls away. Love remains.

8 comments:

  1. I hope you can keep hope. There is always hope!

    Reality is good but not if you let it pull you under.

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  2. Acceptance does not imply going under. It means letting go of futile hope. It means leaving the past truth behind when that truth is either not longer possible or has become a lie. And acceptance is far more healthy than holding onto something that has become more painful than useful.

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  3. Hi Satia. Thanks for visiting my vertigo post. I will email you -- not that I know a lot about it and have no cure -- but I will tell you about how I live through it when it hits me. Just not today. Hang in there.

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  4. I didn't find an email, but do you have allergies? When I began going to an allergist and having shots, my vertigo almost went away completely. (I quit my shots a year ago, and this is the first "bad spell" I've had since. So, perhaps that's something for you to check into. Hope that helps. I know it is hell when it hits. Keep me posted if you can or I'll check back on your blog. Best wishes.

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  5. Rosa

    I have been tested for allergies and I have an allergy to gluten. We are making the necessary adjustments in the house and giving up some foods has not been much of a sacrfice. Nor has it helped reduce my vertigo. Still, I sincerely appreciate your reaching out, sharing your exprience.

    Also, if you put a sixty-two (numerically) after my name you can email me at most of the usual providers. I don't put it on my profile because of issues in the past I've had with drama queens whose lives were too boring and they needed to bring excitement into mine. :)

    S

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  6. Got it. Hope your cold is better. My vertigo is coming and going this week. I will have a day of headaches, a day of slight dizzyness, a day of headaches, etc. I have tried to call in my meclazine (sp?) rx but to no avail. I still have a couple left from a couple of years ago but fear they are past their prime since they don't seem to put me to sleep like they used to. Dunno. It's hell feeling as if you are tipsy or have been hit over the head with a frying pan. It definitely gets in the way of a productive day. Don't know what to do but keep on keeping on.

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  7. PS Happy Thanksgiving to you my new dizzy friend. (no offense)

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  8. I hope we both feel better very soon and Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.

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