Saturday, October 27, 2007

In Which I'm Not In a Good Place Today Yesterday my boys turned 23 and I adore them and their sister and all three were here in the afternoon and evening. Rob had a gig but he did come home in the afternoon and we went out with Marc for lunch to that lovely little Thai food place "around the corner," the one I love so very much, which is not literally around the corner but surprisingly close. With pizza in the evening, it was a lovely day. The boys liked their gifts. I gave Joe a token something to unwrap because his gift--a mattress and boxspring--was delivered on Monday. For Marc, I got an electric keyboard becuase he's wanted one for a while. That was yesterday. Lovely and relaxing. But last week and even yesterday was a week of not . . . I don't know. It's not something I can digest into a summary, not something I wish to explore in this blog, and not something that I have anyone with whom I can discuss things. Rob is so busy and even yesterday, when I tried to talk to him, it didn't work. There were distractions and what was the point of trying? I wrote an email to a couple of peole but I didn't send either one. Long ramblings and vents in which I tried to be clear but confused myself and maybe it's as simple as that. I don't know where to begin so how do I summarize. I did, however, have a lovely and vivid dream last night. Unfortnately, I couldn't remember any dreams from the night before so last night's dream starts me back at square one with the whole "keep a daily dream journal for a month." At least I haven't bought any new pairs of underwear so far this month. That's pretty remarkable especially when you consider that I have a free Victoria's Secret card for one free pair of panties and . . . I am resisting the temptation.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

In Which Rob Finally Gets It

Rob and I have an arrangement by which we take turns choosing dvds. This is good because for the longest time we never watched any of my dvds. Still, with this arrangement we watch all of my dvds that are Disney animated or have Angelina Jolie in them and I'm sure that when Beowulf comes out on dvd I will cream myself.

*ahem*

So yeah . . . enter The TV From Hell and Rob, of course, wants to watch a dvd. Not the day on which we got it, however, because he hadn't yet hooked up the dvd player. Nooo . . . Monday he wants to watch a dvd. Something that will have action and fun shots and . . . we have barely an hour before Prison Break which Rob always watches on Monday nights.

What to do? What to do? Satia to the rescue as I pull a dvd from my arsenal and tada we are watching a dvd that I swear was sitting unwatched for months as Rob went out of his way to choose any movie other than this one.

Which means that I have sucked Rob further into the geek vortex of my life. He used to be a perfectly normal guy who thought that the Rankin Bass version of The Lord of the Rings was great. Who didn't even really think about going to see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace let alone sitting on line for the tickets. (For which I appeared on the local news! . . . *ahem* . . . )

Anyway, the other day Rob and I went to GNC to buy more of his protein shake mix. He was off doing whatever and I stop because there, on the speaker, is the music from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I looked at the sole salesperson and said, "This isn't GNC music. This has got to be your cd." He looked skeptical, actually asked me if I knew what it was from. I remained humble . . . I simply said, "Lord of the Rings." After all, why show off?

In any event, Rob is now aware of how much more there is to Lord of the Rings than ever made it into Rankin Bass, he's seen all six episodes of Star Wars and the animated Clone Wars, and even is well versed in The Matrix and the Buffyverse.

Oh yeah, and tonight when he gets home he'll want to watch Firefly, which is the dvd he waited waaaaay too long to watch. Why did it take him so long? He says it sounded like a chick flick. As if I, of all people, would recommend we watch a chick flick together.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

In Which Life is Just Not Fair! I know I said I would watch America’s Next Top Model but tonight a Dave Matthews concert is on television. This is the concert to which Rob wanted to take me earlier this year but because of my vertigo we knew I could not go. And as much as I would love to see Lisa finally do another lap dance or hear Heather’s geek-ism there is no guarantee of either of these things happen and we all know that I’ll enjoy far more listening to the DMB concert. So sorry, but I have to break the tacit promise I made. I know I said that I would do everything I could to ensure that the Sunday NaNo Writing Group would survive my vertigo-induced absence, there is a part of me that is throwing a temper tantrum over this. I started the group three or four years ago. I would be there this year if it were not for my vertigo. And of course it would be this year that a local reporter wants to take pictures, see our names in print, free exposure, etc. Why not last year? Or the year before? Or the bloody year before? Which is why I am going to spend today pouting. I also know that I was thinking about maybe creating another blog. After I made that post I read an email in my inbox about the importance of journaling to help lose weight. I then read an article that said the same thing. Then I joined some online weight loss support group and . . . you guessed it! . . . they encourage their users to keep a blog. Which is why I will be creating a new blog in which I dully track my food, my exercise, my supplements, and whatever else seems to fit. Not sure that this is unfair or even something that tracks along the Fair/Not-Fair continuum. But I really didn’t want to start a whole new post for this blog. So fair or not, I’m dumping that bit of information in this post. And now I am off to exercise (recumbent bike) and then write in my journal about a couple of interesting conversations I had yesterday full of salacious sensuality. It will be quite titillating. Too bad you can’t read it since I won’t be sharing it. That’s not fair? Yeah. I know.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

In Which Five Clearly May Not Be Enough I am seriously considering creating yet another blog. Yes, five blogs is apparently not enough for the likes of me. Now I want a blog in which I track the vagaries of my body with a focus on my weight. I would record my daily eating habits, my daily exercise, and (*gasp*) my weight. Under the circumstances of its probably being the most boring example of blogging on the planet, I also may not bother announcing it or linking to it in any way. I mean, it will be tedious enough for me to write about why on earth would I want to share it with the world? With that said, recording and tracking my progress will at least give me a sense of accountability. If I see that I am using the same amount of weight for a certain type of exercise I can make a note to push it to a higher weight the next time. Or, if I hit the point of failure (pof) then I can remember that for next time. In other words, if I seriously want to lose weight then I need to start showing myself that I am taking this seriously. On a "lighter" note . . . I was watching season 4 of Six Feet Under and came across the following bit of dialogue between Nathaniel, who is dead, and his son, David.

Nathaniel Fisher: You hang on to your pain like it means something. Like it's worth something. Well, let me tell you - it's not worth shit. Let it go! Infinite possibilities, and all he can do is whine. David Fisher: Well, what am I supposed to do? Nathaniel Fisher: What do you think? You can do *anything*, you lucky bastard - you're alive! What's a little pain compared to that? David Fisher: It can't be that simple. Nathaniel Fisher: What if it is?

It becomes easy to think of how finite my possibilities have become because of the things that I cannot do. For instance, today is when I would have met with the writing critique group to go over four more pages of my poetry. However, we have four days of rain forecasted for this week and today is only day two. Factor in that I also had my acupuncture today and I suspect the best thing for me to do is be conservative with my energy. There is so much coming up this weekend for which I will need to be as strong as possible.

So I don't feel infinite possibilities and yet . . . and yet I'm alive. What's more, I haven't been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis or told that I have a tumor which is why I am now dizzy. I could be facing so much more, so much worse, than simply not knowing why I have vertigo. In many ways I do have infinite possibilities. I mean, my body is limited in what it can do and while I may not be able to go rock climbing or even hike through the woods I can still sit outside in my own back yard and consciously experience fresh air and the sound of the wind shuffling through the leaves. I am not in a coma. I am not brain dead. I am still very much alive. It can't be that simple? Isn't it always that simple?

Monday, October 22, 2007

In Which I Think I've Died and Gone to Hell Forget that I once again had insomnia for a moment. Let us focus on the fact that Rob's television, which has been happily at home in our living room, is dying. This, of course, means we need a new one. Let me now interject that I did not buy a television for myself until I was in my 40s and then I bought it used. And it came with a table stand. And a vcr and a remote. Enter our massive new television which Rob bought for $50. How big is it? Too big to go in the entertainment center where the old dying one now is. So the old dying one will be replaced by the aforementioned I've never bought a television before in my life tv. The dying one will be relocated to the room where my exercise bike is residing. Which means . . . the massive television is now in the bedroom. And we don't have a large bedroom. What we have is a bedroom that was previously a car port. Not even a garage. I don't mind the small bedroom. I do have a problem with having a massive television in there, however. But it doesn't end there. No . . . it would seem that the volume is quite appropriate for a large television that one would normally have in a large room. Because ours is not in a large room the volume is quite loud. Very loud. Too LOUD! And there is no remote. No way to really adjust the volume except manually and we can only get it to go down so far without a remote. Rob says that with a remote we can get it to go lower. But without the remote, how will I ever know? Of course, we will eventually figure out how to adjust our universal remote to work with our new television. Or will we? For you see, Rob cannot find the manual that came with the remote and he apparently can't find the manual online. Why not? Because the remote is nameless. Normally products have some brand making it easier to find the manual online. Without the brand name of the product you are pretty much shit out of luck. Which is pretty much what we are but did you really think that this nightmare ended there? Don't be silly. As luck would have it the power button on this monstrosity will only power UP the television. The only way to turn it off is to unplug it. No big deal, right? Wrong. Did you not understand that this television is very LARGE. Although technically not a Big Screen TV this is big enough to make reaching the cord difficult, at best. (When you have vertigo, it is damn near impossible.) So there you are . . . hopefully having a heavenly time. Me? I'm in hell, I tell you, wondering how long it will be before I find a way to throw this thing out the window. Yes, I realize that with my vertigo the odds that I will be able to do this are slim to none. But then, I didn't go to sleep last night thinking I'd wake up in hell so you never know . . .

Sunday, October 21, 2007

In Which I Do Too Much Yesterday and Pay the Price Today Yesterday Rob and I went to the Halloween Parade in Little Five Points after we had already gone out shopping for Joe's birthday gift. Too much. Too many people. Too much noise. Too much stimulation. It was just too much. And I feel terrible today. And the thing is, I took Friday to relax knowing we had to go out for birthday shopping. Rob had said he wanted us to go to the parade but I didn't realize how serious he was. Didn't realize it until we hurried home and he was asking me to glue some horns onto his head, putting the harness on Romanov, and getting my walker out into the car. We went and I will pay the price. However, Rob now agrees with me that seeing the Dalai Lama tomorrow is out of the question. He had hoped to take me, to have my walker with me so I could sit down. This is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity because, in the nearly 20 years I have lived in GA I don't think I've ever heard that the Dalai Lama was here. And that he is going to give a free to the public presentation . . . Anyway, the Dalai Lama will be here tomorrow and Rob asked me, "If you could ask the Dalai Lama any question, what would it be?" I thought about it briefly. What would I ask? The Dalai Lama is a Tibetan Buddhist so anything I don't already know about his spiritual beliefs I can learn from reading or am not yet ready to understand so his telling me would be meaningless. Politically I also understand where he puts his allegiance and why. What advice he would give to everyone in the audience to do to make the world a better place--well, that seems obvious given his spiritual and political beliefs. "I would ask me to tell a joke. I would ask him, 'What's your favorite joke? Tell it to me, please.' Then he would tell me the joke and we would both laugh and smile. I think that would be the best question I could ask him." As it turns out, you can submit a question to be asked of the Dalai Lama and they will pick and choose which ones will be asked of his Holiness. I don't think mine would have been chosen anyway. But wouldn't it have been lovely to laugh with the Dalai Lama?