Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Weighty Blog Post

One of my intentions for 2010 is to lose the weight I gained in 2007. I am not really sure how I will accomplish this given that I’ve tried several things with less and less success. Weight Watchers was a surprising disappointment. The nice thing about the program is that it is easy to follow, they give you constant and consistent support, etc. When you lose weight, you receive token awards meant to motivate you. A keychain first simply for showing up and then, when you lose the first 5 lbs you get a charm to put onto the keychain. Another for the first 10 lbs, etc. So is it any surprise that after six months of following first one Weight Watchers plan and then another, attending weekly sessions, and using the online resources and not getting even the first 5 lbs lost charm the whole thing lost its charms for me? Adding insult to injury, when I started Weight Watchers I was still using the walker and by the time I gave up on it, I was walking 1-2 miles a day without a walker. Notice I said I gave up on the program and not on myself or my ability to lose weight. Clearly, I haven’t given up. I liked the online support and resources and soon found SparkPeople, a free online resource that offered many of the things Weight Watchers did and then some. I joined communities, participated in discussions, shared ideas, resources, etc. I earned points because of my participation, tracking my nutrition and activity daily, etc. And nearly 10 months later I had lost . . . nothing. Not a damn thing. I mean, I was literally at the same weight to the ounce! I also tried one-on-one accountability, a body buddy or whatever else you want to call it, where I emailed with a friend once a week but he kept praising me for losing the one pound and then shrugging off how I would regain the same pound. I appreciated his intention but I told him that until I was below a certain weight there was no reason to praise or appease—rather, it is best to say nothing until we see that magic number below which I needed to fall. He didn’t listen to me and continued to praise the typical monthly loss and I would once again remind him that women fluctuate and until I fell below a certain weight it would be best to say nothing and . . . I also noticed that he was not exactly losing weight and maybe his seeing my own stagnant struggle was reinforcing his perception that it was okay that he wasn’t losing. I don’t know. But I cut off the arrangement, saying that I didn’t feel he was listening to me because he was disrespecting my request to please stop praising me for being dehydrated or at a different time of the month from one week to the next. And then I never heard from him again. In some ways I suppose that reinforces that my role in that relationship was to somehow validate his struggle. The thing is, I am not one to keep trying something that doesn’t work and I feel that giving Weight Watchers, SparkPeople, and even mutual accountability months and months of my intention only to be here, precisely where I’ve been, give or take a few ounces, is just too heartbreaking. Want to hear the punch line? In a few days I’ll be posting a review for a book that is supposed to help with weight loss and I gained two pounds while reading it. Don’t try to guess whether I’ll give it a good review or not. I am still mulling it over myself. All of which leaves me where I started; I’ve gained weight and I want to lose it. How? How how how how how? Well, given that it is now officially one of my goals for 2010, I probably need to consider my options and make a commitment.

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