Friday, April 22, 2011

Weekly Quotes Part 16

Younger by the Day

Rewrite (or simply rethink) your life story.
Spend a week watching no TV except shows you’ve never seen before.
Try something for fun you’re not sure you’d enjoy.
Listen to someone whose views diverge dramatically from yours.
Try on clothes you think you would never wear.  (134)

Victoria Moran isn't suggesting we do this each and every day but I have to say that some of these suggestions jumped out at me.  Rewriting your life story is a writing practice used in some forms of therapy and reading a book by someone who philosophically or spiritually or even politically differs from your own convictions can allow you to "listen" to someone else's views without feeling a need to defend your own.

Garland of Love

So long as you are attached, by sorrow, anger, or disappointment, to the relationship from the past, you escape the joy of the relationships of the future.  (April 15)

This holds true even of those relationships that are currently a part of our lives but no longer serve any purpose.  A friendship we have outgrown or a group to which we belong that no longer fits our life or lifestyle.  Holding onto the past, especially by trying to maintain the status quo of the present, inevitably brings pain for all involved.  Better to release our attachments, especially when they are a source of pain, than continue holding on.

[O]ur present relationships embody all the fears and disappointments of our past.  That’s because in the present we need to revisit them and face them in order to discover that we have survived them.  (April 18)

[W]hen it comes to love, the world is full of souls that are starving.  (April 20)

I read this and felt sad because I know it is true but it hardly makes sense to me.  How can anyone be starved for love when we should and must love ourselves?

Simple Abundance

Let go of expectations and life will unfold, step-by-step.  (April 16)

I seem to save a lot of quotes that relate to acceptance, of letting go of expectations, etc.

Always it comes down to creative choice.  (April 17)

Simple Abundance Companion

Women are great at delivering on their word when it’s someone else counting on us, but when no one else is looking or listening, we renege on ourselves with a ruthlessness that’s heartbreaking.  (6-7)

A promise is a solemn, sacred prayer and you are a woman worthy of your word.  (9)

Romancing the Ordinary

You owe it to yourself to feel attractive.  (179)


The truth can only be recalled, never invented.  (159)

Dance of Anger

We are never the first in our family to wrestle with a problem, although it may feel that way.  All of us inherit unsolved problems of our past; and whatever we are struggling with has its legacy in the struggles of prior generations.  (108)

This one is hard to explain fully but what Lerner is saying is that even when the details of a situation seem unique to our immediate experience, often the issues that come out of our relationships is so deeply rooted in the past that we are, in some ways, trying to make sense of and correct the past.  So a father who's own father died when he was quite young may find himself struggling in his relationship with his own son when that child is the same age as he was when his own father died and then again when he himself reaches the age his father had died.  The details of the issue are different but the emotional implications are manifesting overtly.

It is tempting to view human transactions in simple cause-and-effect terms.  If we are angry, someone else caused it.  Or, if we are the target of someone else’s anger, we must be to blame; or, alternatively—if we are convinced of our innocence—we may conclude that they other person has no right to feel angry.  (123)

We are responsible for our behavior.  But we are not responsible for other people’s reactions; nor are they responsible for ours.  (124)

I am reminded of how often we immediately wonder what we did wrong in a relationship when it falls apart instead of just realizing that we do our best within the relationship and, if the other person is not comfortable with our best and they choose to move on, they are responsible for that choice leaving us responsible for our own choice of how we will respond by either letting go or fighting to hold on.

Learning to observe and change our behaviors is a self-loving process that can’t take place in an atmosphere of self-criticism or self-blame.  (133)

Men . . .  tend to handle anxiety by emotional distancing (thus, sacrificing the ‘we’ for the ‘I’), whereas women more frequently handle anxiety by fusion and emotional overfunctioning (thus, sacrificing the ‘I’ for the ‘we’).  (138-139)

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