I am determined to focus. Somehow. To that end, I have my white board and I am going to not only put things on there but I am going to cross things off, actively checking it in the morning, afternoon, and again in the evening to make sure I am focusing on what needs to be done.
Will it work? Only if I work it and, let’s be honest, it may be a while before it becomes a habit but I simply have to do something. And you’ll know it’s working if you actually start seeing posts from me.
It could happen. But it would have to happen between a few other things.
Things like what? you ask.
Well, my ass is being effectively handed to me as I try to work through this medical billing & coding course. I don’t know where the disconnect lies, why I cannot grasp the content, but for the first time in my life I am not comprehending things when I am truly trying to understand, to do well. Hours of studying keep me from exercising and I burn myself out pouring over the content in hopes of something clicking.
Then I get up the next day and I try again and again and . . .
Somewhere along the way I signed up for the Fantasy and Science Fiction course on coursera. I think I have a theme for the first paper (The Female Catalyst: Women and Girls as Instrument and Impetus for Change in Grimm’s Fairy Tales) but will I find the time to write it? I guess I’ll know soon enough. The paper is due on Tuesday so I don’t have a lot of time in which to make it happen.
All of the above is resulting in my experiencing insomnia which, needless to say, adds insult to injury. I find it harder to focus when I am tired. I’m caught in a horrendous catch-22. I have anxiety because I didn’t do well on a quiz so I lose sleep. Then I try to sleep but can’t because I am so worried about how poorly my studies are going. The next day I try to study but I am tired and it is hard to focus but I have no choice and try to soldier through. That night maybe I get to sleep, tossing and turning a bit, but is better than not sleeping at all. I shuffle up the next morning and try to hit the ground running only to do poorly on a test, knowing I still have an exam to face . . . and then I can’t sleep because that night I’m freaking out.
So if I sound cranky and discouraged it’s because I am. I’m ready for the next part of my life to begin but I still have miles to go. A big fat bah humbug to the past couple of weeks and a raised cup of cheer to today and turning things around.