This was the first week I felt emotionally balanced. No dips or rises. Just present from one day to the next. This means I have begun letting go of the grief and that was my hope in writing about Romanov’s death—to get to the point where I could let it go. I will write more about Romanov but it won’t have to be about his death.
Sharing this experience with Rob was interesting. I observed a difference in how he coped with the loss. I didn’t expect we would respond in identical ways. Not even similar ones. But we were here for one another and that is the most important thing.
Kanika and I are working our way through One Year to an Organized Life which we began together by reading the introduction with the intention of actually beginning the monthly suggestions with the beginning of this month. June’s focus is on travel. She travels far more than I do—for work, her annual trip with her husband, trips home to visit her father. I am limited to my annual trip north.
What does any of this have to do with my recent experiences? Regina Leeds, the author, describes going to Europe shortly after her mother’s death and that she learned something very essential about traveling. Her advice: Don’t travel soon after a personal loss (150). This really struck home for me. After all, I left to see my mother only four days after Romanov’s death. Was this a mistake? I came home and his absence felt more palpable. I honestly felt like I was back to square one with the pain those first couple of days home.
Welcome home indeed.
Leeds says, “I might have profited from basking in the warm sun on a beach somewhere” suggesting that, rather than try to enjoy a European tour, simply lying around on a beach would have been healing. I am so fortunate that my mother, and our trip to Kripalu, proved to be precisely what I needed in many ways. Relaxing. Healing. Gentle. Loving.
And yes, I was sad when I came home. I sobbed. I ached. I coped.
In the few weeks since I’ve been home, so much has happened. Rob and I celebrated our third anniversary. Kanika and I took a trip to the second hand bookstore. We celebrated Mother’s Day with Shira. Marc decided to apply to one more graduate school. Joe and his family came by for a visit and went away on vacation. Shira went to two different conventions—one in Chicago where she was able to visit with her brother. Rob bought a Perry Ellis jacket for $18 and I got a new pair of contact lenses.
|Second Hand Bookstore Haul|
I also posted book reviews:
- Something Rotten by Jasper Fforde
- Paper Made by Kyte Terry
- The Children of Henry VIII by John Guy
- Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala
- The Well of Lost Plots by Jasper Fforde
That was May. And now June is here. In two weeks I’ll have taken CPC exam and be preparing for Rob’s 42 birthday. I’ll have gone back to my optometrist and asking for a change in my contact lens prescription because the one I’m wearing is uncomfortable. I’ll even have gone to the dentist, something I am loath to do at any time but especially when it’s been so long since I last went. My mother and my daughter-in-law and I will be reading through Energy Medicine together. Kanika and I will have walked and waked and walked some more.
Most importantly, I am devoting the second half of June to really sitting with myself and deciding what I want to do with the second half of this year. My life has been so consumed with studying that there was room for nothing else. With the exam behind me, I’ll have a wealth of free time. Yes, some of it will be devoted to organizing things. But I expect it will be devoted to some other things. Like my writing. Like learning something new and enjoyable. Like just being quiet.
It’s been an interesting year. And I’m not overlooking or avoiding the lessons.