I wasn’t anticipating the upheaval of emotions the past few weeks. After a wonderful birthday celebration, I found myself reaching for silence more and more. When I realized that we were approaching the anniversary of Romanov’s death, I knew what was going on. The guilt and grief were weighing me down.
And that was okay. But I wasn’t able to write about things because my words kept going to Romanov. I simply did not want to touch those things in words. I just wanted to hold them in my heart and experience them. Maybe because I didn’t think the words I could find to write about Romanov would never be enough.
Easter brought those emotions to a head. I mean, of course, the feelings are still there but I am back to where I can put things into words. Easter morning I woke up to a couple of treats from Rob—an M&M fan (because fans are good when you are a woman of a certain age) and a stuffed Beanie Boo. Now, anyone who is familiar with Beanie Babies knows that many of them have dates on them, like birthdays. I looked at the Beanie and discovered the date is Romanov’s deathday. It was an intentional choice on Rob’s part. He recognized the date as immediately as I.
Poor Bibi was sick but not contagious so we decided to move the Easter celebration to her place. Joe took pictures which I’ll share when I see them. We arrived with her filled Easter basket. Then, Rob went to put something “in the car” and to hide the eggs all over the front yard which, to be honest, is a better place for Easter egg hunting. She had a blast trying to find all of the eggs. And there were a lot. She did not, however, like the bunny cookies we had made. She thought they were cute but she didn’t really want to eat them. I guess I can’t blame her. I didn’t think they were spectacular. But they were fun to make.
But it was the card that stands out in my heart.
So all of this is why I didn’t really post much at all. Clearly, however, I’m back. And what a week I’ve had. It started off uninspiring or exciting. I mean, except for the fact that Rob would be out of town, there was nothing special planned. I was going to take advantage of Rob’s absence. I wanted to clean off the kitchen table and do laundry. I wanted to put away the Easter things, organize some of my clothes (rotate long sleeves out for short sleeves) and do my hand wash delicates. I figured I could start on Wednesday, finish up on Friday, and have some freedom for the weekend to do some fun things. I still wanted to make some things for Bibi’s book (more pictures coming, I promise!).
Holly had other ideas. Tuesday morning we realized the poor thing had diarrhea. And Tuesday is the day the Rob left, meaning he left me to clean up the mess. Literally. And it lasted all day Tuesday and Wednesday. It might have gone on through Thursday if not for Joe who, after dropping Bibi off at school and working all day and picking Bibi up from school, went to the drug store to pick up some diarrhea medicine for Holly.
For the record: 1 tsp / 20 lbs of dog
Friday I noticed she was doing better. Not quite there yet but not too bad. I was exhausted. Between Tuesday and Wednesday, I only had 3 hours of sleep. All day Wednesday, I was cleaning up diarrhea and trying to take care of Holly, taking her out at the slightest sign of her needing to go. I did about six loads of laundry and steam cleaned the carpet every time I cleaned up after Holly. Over and over again. I would sit down for a few minutes, and she would want me to take her outside again. And again. And again.
Because Joe brought me medicine on Wednesday, Holly was doing better by Thursday and Friday I was able to join him and his family to see Bibi’s final dance performance of the season. It was so much fun to be there with them, to see her being more confident as she moved around the stage. She was great! I took blurry pictures and shared them with Rob who was still out of town. After her performance, we went for frozen yogurt (I had a small serving of pistachio which was yummy).
Then Saturday was my day of catching up with the cleaning I had hoped to do. I went out for a walk with Kanika Saturday morning and came home to do some more cleaning but I didn’t finish. Truth is, I’d kinda given up on getting things done and just wanted to relax a bit. So I did. I watched A Streetcar Named Desire (love this movie) and finished one book before finishing up another that I wanted to devour. With Holly eating rice mixed in with her canned dog food, she was doing better. She is doing better.
It was an unexpectedly eventful week. Maybe this week will prove to be less thrilling. If nothing else, it will be wonderful to have Rob back home again. Holly is going to be overflowing with joy at his return. I just hope she doesn’t overflow with anything else!